Homesick – the surprising gift from living abroad
Hi everyone,
Today's post is about the other side of the "living abroad" experience. The side that isn't often spoken about: how being in another country away from all that is familiar can sometimes be hard, boring, or even scary. But, can it also be a gift?
Source: Pexels
Remember when you first got your letter saying you were accepted to your mobility program? You were so happy and overjoyed to begin that journey, you told all your friends and your family.
Remember all those administrative tasks you had to do to ensure you got all your tests done and anything else the welcoming institution required of you?
Those hours spent scrolling through ads for roommates and apartments? Remember?
One last big dinner with family, a party with friends, lots of hugs and laughter and congratulatory words...
So excited to board your train or plane, you could hardly sleep the night before?
Then came the flurry of things to do upon your arrival in your new country. So many places to go. Tons of questions. Lots of new faces. Orientation meetings to welcome you, support you, and help you get settled.
Then you did.
Settle,
that is. You got used to the rhythms of your new life as a mobility
participant. You went to all the fun gatherings. You discovered the sights of
your new city. Checked out the museums. Made some new friends. You even have
lovely roommates with whom you can cook together and share meals.... but you
start to feel a quiet thing growing in you. A gathering something that
only you notice. What is it?
The Mystery Starts to Become Clearer.
You're not sure at first, but you notice that you are just a little bit quicker to be irritated by what was once a charming cultural difference. Now, it drives you crazy. The new language you used to love practicing makes your teeth grind when you hear it all around you day in and day out. Your brain is exhausted from the effort to communicate AND be understood in your new language.
You even begin comparing your host country to your home country and as time passes, you discover it's harder and harder to remember what you even liked about this new place, your mobility program, and even those new friends with whom you used to be excited to see. More and more of your responses to invitations are, "No thanks," because you decide that there's no point in feeling lonely in a crowd.
If any of the above sounds like you, I have some good news:
1. You're not alone.
2. It's totally normal.
3. You're homesick.
and 4, You'll be ok. <3
Source: Pexels
What Is Homesickness?
In simple terms, it means that you miss home. You miss where you are from and that which is familiar to you. You miss your culture and your ease with what you know and grew up with. You miss your roots. The longer you're away from home, you discover that you miss things about your homeland you never even noticed while you were there. Again, these feelings are totally normal and they’re fine to have.
When we travel abroad, our senses get heightened and we often don't realize we're doing it; but our senses also start finetuning information about our new surroundings and comparing it to what we know: our past.
This is ok. These are our survival instincts kicking in to help us to orient and adapt to our new surroundings.
Source: Pexels
So, What Can Be Done? Ask For Help.
First, don't be afraid of your feelings of homesickness. How you feel is real and important. And secondly, don't be embarrassed that you're not having a good time ALL the time during your mobility experience. You're a full human being with a range of emotional experiences. This is one of the joys of being alive and not artificial, like a robot. You can feel.
Take a look below at some tips to try if your homesick state is starting to get the best of you.
1. Reach out to the community organizations from your host country, like Erasmus Student Network, and ask to speak to someone about your feelings. ESN has a lovely buddy system.
2. Talk with your family and friends on the phone. Catch up with them about what's happening at home. You'll likely end up laughing and by the end of the conversation, it will feel like you were all in the same room together.
Be sure to also tell them how you've been feeling and that you miss them as I'm sure they miss you too and will offer an encouraging word.
3. While in your host country, find people from your culture to meet with from time to time. There's a simple joy to be found when you are with what is familiar. But be careful. This can be a slippery slope where you end up ONLY hanging out with people from your language or culture base because it's so nice and easy to be understood. If you only hang out with what you know, you miss the opportunity to grow and discover more about yourself.
4. Take it a step further and create an event where you invite your new friends to learn about your homeland and your culture... what if you cooked a meal and talked about its origins and why it's an important meal in your family, for example?
5. Talk with your housemates or the people in your immediate circle. I bet once you open the door, others may share their feelings of homesickness and may offer tips for what worked for them.
Source:Pexels
What if talking isn't quite enough?
All right, you've tried all of the above tips, and the video calls to family are just not doing it for you anymore because you realize you just miss the hugs of your family or your mom's home cooking. What to do?
6. Invite one or two friends or family to visit you and have them bring your favorite meal. Or, during one of your holiday breaks, take a quick weekend trip back home, if that's possible for you. While there, stock up on hugs and love so that you're recharged for your return to your host country.
7. Remember the old saying, "This too shall pass." Your feeling of homesickness is temporary - as is your mobility program. Neither will last forever. But they both have something to teach you. Yes, even being homesick.
The Gift: Homesickness reveals all that you love and value about where you come from.
Source: Pexels
Let’s Help Each Other
If you’ve felt homesick during your mobility program or another time when you went far from home, share your tips in the Living Abroad forum discussion that is linked to this blog.
Iya, OLS Community Manager - English